Cry Season: Knowing my body and her natural rhythms

Have you ever observed the changing seasons? Of course you have. For some of us, spring, winter, summer, and fall all invoke different energies and preferences. For others, the suffocating air of the dry season and the lushness of the rainy season are normal occurrences. Either way, we, as humans, don’t deny the existence and need to adapt to different seasons in our lives. 

Something I noticed a few years ago was that I became more sensitive and weepy from September to December. I thought that the issue was the change of season. During fall, the days become shorter and it progressively gets colder. My hypothesis would be proven wrong when I'd spend an autumn in Costa Rica. You see, I thought I figured myself out. I noticed the change in me and blamed the season. I assumed that going to a tropical climate would help me avoid this tough part of the year.

Unfortunately, and maybe because of my assumption, that time in Costa Rica was by far the worst emotionally. I was numb and struggling dearly. Even though I was surrounded by nature, clean water, and healthy food… even though I had completely altered my environment for something that aligned with my heart and soul, I cried absolutely every day and with great intensity. I wasn’t mentally prepared for that. Since then, I have come to love, honor, and respect this period of my year which I have aptly named: Cry Season.

Who is Cry Season?

I believe that we are nature so when I feel confused, I observe the natural world to understand myself better. What I began to notice is that when winter comes, (even if people are bitter), they stay warm by being inside and wearing heavy coats. When spring comes, people are generally happy to swap the coats for shorts and venture outdoors. Long story short, we adapt to the seasons. When we choose to live in a place, we choose to work with the seasons of that land; but what about the rhythm (seasons) of our bodies?

In the past, when my body routinely had periods of low energy, I would work against it. I would think that this sadness or grief was the enemy and that it was my job to defeat my feelings. The only sign of success would obviously be pure joy at all times, but that doesn’t match how nature operates.

So now, each year, I mentally and emotionally prepare myself for cry season. Cry season runs from the 3rd week of September until the day after Christmas. I figured this out by reflecting year after year and paying attention to patterns over time. That doesn’t mean that things don’t shift. This year, for example, cry season seems to be starting early for some reason. 

Cry season is the time of year when I feel like my skin is as thick as a thread. Everything I experience is with high intensity. Cry season is the period when I feel the most anxious and have the most nightmares. It’s when the wind rustling the leaves can make me jump. It’s when a simple setback can seem catastrophic. During this season, I cry about everything. I cry because my best friend is in love or because I long for a different relationship with my mom. I cry because the sunset is just so beautiful and "How is this my life?" And because I’m afraid of failure.

During cry season, the quality of my sleep diminishes. I spend most nights swimming in dreams that retell the stories of past traumas and am invited to make peace with them.

Mmm.

Cry season doesn’t want to hurt me. She consumes me in darkness, sure, but this is her natural way of being. I wouldn’t be angry at winter for being winter, would I? Cry season represents the period of time when I do the most accepting, forgiving, and movement of energy for myself and my lineage. She is the time of year when I feel closest to the pains and sorrows of my past and the past experiences of my family. She invites me to see everything and accept it.

She invites me to hug hardship without fear and love the foundation of my family without judgment. Every year, she comes, and the more space I make for her, the lighter the darkness gets. The feelings flow faster and I’m able to recover from my emotions (find balance) quicker. In my sleep, I am able to transform the nightmares. The storms continue, but my dream self remains calm.

It’s hard to explain, but I’ve had greater success loving my cry season than I ever did while trying to avoid her.

How do I prepare?

Towards the end of summer, I’m already preparing myself mentally for cry season. Once my PTSD symptoms start, I know the season is beginning. Hyper-vigilance, anxious thoughts, jumping at normal things, the nightmares. These are all clues of the veil thinning and the season coming.

Step 1: Awareness

Being aware of the beginning of cry season helps immensely. It cues me to automatically be more nurturing and patient with myself (and others). Usually, I’ll write out some intentions and desires. I’ll remind myself of the tools I have available to me and focus. Usually, I’ll feel into the energy of the season, acknowledge her, thank her, and ask for a smooth ride. This is a form of mental preparation and acceptance.

Step 2: Security

When it’s cry season, it’s really not the best for me to be venturing. I’ve tried it before and it ended quite disastrously. Now, I prepare for cry season by creating structure and security. If I plan to travel, it is predictable. Instead of hitchhiking long distances, I take the train. Instead of wild camping, I book a room. I also need easy access to food. Without it, I might not eat. Building a net of safety allows me to focus my energy on the process.

Step 3: Radical Acceptance

You know those times when you’re sick and go to work or run a marathon anyway? Yeah. That doesn’t work for cry season. The 3rd commitment I make to this season is radical acceptance. I instantly become a steward to my body granting her anything she calls for even if I look like a weirdo. This means I’ve cried quietly to myself in public multiple times and have taken my shoes off to touch the earth in places that it is taboo. Honestly, I don’t care. It’s more important for me to honor my body. During other parts of the year, sure, I have more space to be considerate of societal norms and standards, but during cry season? I can’t so I don’t.

Personal Seasons

There are other seasons in my life. By understanding them, I flow better with life because I work with (instead of against) the forces of nature.

Time Period	Season	Meaning
Dec 26 - mid Feb	Solitude	Make space to be alone and with yourself. Don’t question it.
Mid Feb - end of May	Open	Breathe the fresh air and go on adventures. Be wild and carefree.
End of May - 3rd week of Sept	Connection	Live close to the river and be among the community. Have fun and chill out.
3rd week of Sept - Dec 25	Cry	Don’t do anything crazy. Feel your feelings and make space for everything.

Taking the time to reflect on my body’s natural rhythm and giving them names has changed the way I manage my life. I understand myself better. Instead of working against my seasons, I adapt and work with them. 

Have you ever considered if you have seasons? Are there periods of the year when some things come easier than others? Maybe it’d be worth a bit of your time and attention to reflect on it!

Thanks for reading!

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